this week in masturbation

the good news:

saw 'mean girls'. it sucked. not really that funny, character development was . . . pardon me, what is that friend? what do you say? OH OH OH! the girls! but yes of course! how shall i put this...

SO HOT. SO SO FUCKING HOT.

the movie's main thematic element was an ode to 17 year old breats. so nubile.

also discernable was an undercurrent paying homage to 17 year old buttocks. so supple.

the bad-good news:

the current hiv outbreak in porn valley has reached an industry fav: jessica dee -- the czech super-slut who looks like britney spear's slutty (err.....sluttier) big sister. so sad.

as bad as that is, it looks like she's landing on her feet. as the fleshbot article points out, platinum x has offered her a directing gig. her first line will be entitled. . . Throat Yogurt. GENIUS. SO NECESSARY.

the not really news:

the washington post (btw washington post, i am SICK of fucking putting in my demographic information every time i visit your fucking page! SHAME!) reports that red light district has secured the rights to the paris hilton sex video and will be releasing it under the title 'a night in paris'. hilarious. on a side note, i'm glad that nothing important is happening in washington that would force the post to concentrate their resources on something else. kudos gentlemen.