some tips on fatherhood

the national lampoon has some good tips for fathers:

What was once "good old-fashioned discipline" is now "child abuse;" a term no doubt coined by an unmarried fruit college professor who will never find his telephoto lens in the toilet along with a box of Tampax and some ties. A few years back, if a father put a little too much pow in his punch and his kid got a shiner for it, it was too bad for the kid; he shouldn't have done whatever he did to make his dad punch him. Today, that father is in the clink, disgraced, discredited, and besieged by psychiatrists and case workers who will try to get the kid into a foster home where he can be abused by a foster father. The laws are on the books. Child abuse is a reality. We Christian-thinking, hard-working parents with firm backbones have no alternative but to try and beat the abuse laws.
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8. Undermine your child's credibility with teachers, clergy, family friends, and grandparents. Establish a reputation for them as "compulsive fibbers" and "storytellers." Make an appointment with their teachers to discuss their "wild imaginations." A visit to a child psychologist about the matter will put the subject on record for future use in legal situations.