Sunday, November 21, 2004

How do you spell relief...P-E-E!

I was in a men's bathroom relieving myself not to long ago when I began thinking of how there is a certain urinal etiquette. Now, not personally receiving any formal training in this subject, I believe that this must be some innate sense males have; perhaps remnents from our hunter-gatherer era. So, just to inform our reading public, and for the benefit of those whose genes for this innate awareness skipped a generation, this one's for you.

In a typical men's bathroom, say at a highway rest stop or an airport, there is usually a wall of urinals. The more the better, but sometimes there are only three to five, on average. This poses serious potential for an awkward moment.

Now, there's no issue if there's no one else in the bathroom. Choose any urinal you please to drain the vein. But if there is someone already occupying a urinal, much care must be taken in which one you choose. Let us analyze.

Imagine a bathroom in which there are five urinals. You enter and there is a guy juicing his twig and berries. He stands to the far right, leaving four urinals to your disposal. Which do you choose?

Every guy knows the answer to this one - the one to the far left. The idea being one must maintain maximum distance between exposed male phalli. But what of other potential scenarios?

Guy at far right uninal, another guy at far left urinal. You must choose the one in the middle, and look directly at the wall in front of you. And hopefully the guys on the ends angle themselves slightly to the outside. That's just common courtesy.

Now what if there is a guy at the far right, and another guy one in from the left. So these two guys are separated by only two urinals. Pop quiz. What do you do hot shot?

This is dangerous, because no matter where you go, you're directly next to another one-eyed-monster. My solution, if you can tell which guy is finishing up, go next to him. At least you can minimize the exposure time.

Another solution, and this goes for anytime you're faced with having to pee next to another guy, use the stalls. Yes, this is an option, one which would be greatly appreciated by all involved.

And just for the record, one absolute never in my book. If all of the urinals and stalls are occupied, never pee into the sink. That's just inappropriate. You're a guy, you can hold it.

I've said my two-cents, and now if you'll excuse me, I've got to shake the dew off the lilly.


At 12:35 AM, Blogger Jaded said...

Rules to live by, my friend. Funny post!

At 8:41 PM, Blogger In the Crease said...

Thanks Jaded. I really believe this should be posted in every bathroom. It's also nice to get a comment from someone other than one of the contributers to this blog.

At 2:01 AM, Blogger Jesus Henry Christos said...

oh is it?


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