marriage

tony pierce waxes prophetic on marriage:

if i was president it would be a five year process to get married.

youd have to register when you became "engaged." then youd have to start living together. then once a month the neighborhood cop would be required to check in on you and ask some personal questions.

very personal questions.

after their first year together the man would have to be responsible for the dishes, and learn how to cook.

the woman would have to watch sports and read bukowski.
[...]
after the third year together the couple would be required to volunteer at a battered womans center, at an emergency room, at an orphanage, and at a homeless shelter. once a week, ingrates.

the man will be tested on his ability to make a homemade chicken noodle soup, a casserole of some sort, a rare steak, a filet of fish, and ice cream from scratch.

the woman will be required to win in at least one fantasy football league.