Monday, November 01, 2004

news flash: canada looking better by the day

election shenanigans causing massive blunt force trauma to my dome.

In his phone message to voters, Schilling says, "These past couple of weeks, Sox fans ... trusted me when it was my turn on the mound. Now you can trust me on this: President Bush is the right leader for our country," according to a transcript from the Bush campaign.

Kerry spokesman David Wade reminded baseball-crazed voters that when George W. Bush was owner of the Texas Rangers he voted against creation of the wild card. The Red Sox qualified for the playoffs through the wild card.

"When legions of Sox fans go to the polls on Tuesday, they'll remember that if George Bush had his way the Red Sox wouldn't have ever won the World Series," Wade said in a statement.

For good measure, Wade also reminds voters that Bush traded Sammy Sosa, the Chicago Cubs' home run king.

kind reader(s??): if you consider voting based on baseball events and/or recommendations, please kill yourself(ves??) immediately. not only because voting in such a fashion would be monumentally stupid, but also because baseball sucks. baseball sucks so much that it is actually too shitty for french canada. little known fact...but true.

that being said, i will vote as hines ward -- the greatest carbon based life-form of all time -- directs me to vote.


At 2:11 PM, Blogger DJ I Have No Friends said...

Never before in my life have a read something so true and pure. I have just printed 1000 copies of your words and have decided to start the religion soon to be known as Wardism. Thank you for your insight.


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